So last week the boy began nursery! Hurrah! (Opens celebratory bottle of wine and retrieves a glass…) I am far from counting my chickens, however! For this is not the first time! (Forces cork back into bottle and grumpily puts glass away!)
We have been trying in vain for some time to coerce the little energy-stealer into undertaking a few nursery/ child-minding sessions. You know, to ensure we are allowing him sufficient opportunity to interact socially with his peers, and to increase his sense of independence. Ha ha ha!! Not really!! Give Mummy some alone time, for the love of God! I just want to take a shit in peace, drink a hot cup of tea and get through an hour of my life without watching, discussing or re-enacting an episode of chuffing Bing!!
However, whereas other people’s tots appear to run happily into their parents’ childcare establishment of choice, taking great delight in everything it has to offer and seeing the staff as some kind of wondrous, Mary Poppins-esque figures, who they love as dearly as family, thus far this has not been the boy’s attitude.
He has instead generally taken a look round each carefully chosen and highly Ofsted rated nursery and looked at us as if to say “What the hell is this all about?? Are you fucking serious?? I have access to paint, crayons, cars and books already! And what’s more I can enjoy them in the comfort of my own home without the threat of some drooling oaf who is named after a footballer trying to take them from me and use them as a weapon with which to beat me over the head! That child over there looks like something from Deliverance, and this box of dumper trucks hasn’t seen a Dettol wipe since you and Daddy thought having children was a good idea! Utterly ridiculous! Start up the Focus, Father, we’re leaving!”
OK, he was just whingey and clingy and ultimately too upset to keep going, but I knew what he was really thinking!
Anyway, we’re now three days in and thus far he hasn’t refused to go back! I suspect he may just be playing a long game, which will ultimately lead to my demise (He often is!) but we have everything crossed he may finally yield and join in with the normal children!
(Part of me hates to break his spirit though! Being normal is never something anyone in this family has done well!)
Watch this space!