To me the supermarket run beautifully exemplifies the subtle differences between life pre and post boy!
Pre boy, shopping was a leisurely and luxurient saunter through the aisles, perusing wine labels looking for ‘key notes’ and picking up ingredients for romantic dinners, which you could spend hours over, discussing your day and laughing like the slim, free spirited, bastards of leisure you were! Occasionally you would notice yourself in a glass door or freezer cabinet and think how slender, fit and stylish you were, safe in the knowledge this would never change and you would never be one of those people that stops caring! I mean, my appearance will always be important to me!
Supermarket run with the boy? “Choose one Steve, damn it, we have 10 minutes till this becomes tiresome to him and he loses his shit! Run if you have to! Just run and I’ll throw random items into the trolley! Fuck it, we’ll be able to make a meal from whatever we make it back to the car with! Who doesn’t love beetroot and peanut butter pasta with salami and beans! He’s not looking happy Steve, give him a chocolate button! Right no, he’s starting to cry! Just leave it, abandon the trolley and get back to the car for the love of God! Let’s just go! Before someone calls Social Services! We can just live on cereal and takeaways! We do anyway!”
And as you run, you notice what appears to be a bewildered, slightly overweight, homeless woman in the glass door where the fittie used to be, and you realise… Oh shit! It’s you! It’s happened! You’ve become utterly ridiculous! You’ve become a mum!
(And at this point one of your deepest regrets in life is purchasing (mid-pregnancy) a changing bag with the words “Yummy Mummy” emblazoned on the side of it! In fear of being sued under the Trades Description Act you head for the Focus even faster!
“Don’t judge me!” You shout to passing strangers, as you bounce along! “I didn’t know!! I just didn’t know!!”)
Cheers Parents! 🍷 x